


Last Pale Light

by Rattlesnake



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post Terminus, Reunion Sex, Rickyl, Season 5 Interlude
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-22
Updated: 2014-12-06
Packaged: 2018-02-26 15:30:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2657111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rattlesnake/pseuds/Rattlesnake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As AMC deprived us of the reunion scene between Rick and Daryl after Daryl took off after the car to find Beth in season 5, I've decided to write my own version of it and milk it for all it's worth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Longing

„We could still catch up with them“, Michonne said, throwing a sideway glance at Rick. “The roads will be blocked. They can’t have gotten far yet.”

Rick shook his head and leaned onto the banister in front of the church, staring into the twilight of dusk. The tall trees of the near-by wood seemed to loom over them and there were dark shadows between the tombstones of the churchyard. It was quiet except for the soft sound of the leaves rustling in the evening breeze. Michonne shivered slightly. 

“I haven’t changed my mind”, Rick said, turning to face her. “We’re not leaving without them.” 

Michonne tried to read his eyes in the gloomy light and she saw determination in them. She knew already that it was impossible to make Rick change his mind if he didn’t want to. He wasn’t one to never question his decisions and he took the opinions of people he trusted into account. But making him do something he wasn’t convinced about was impossible. It was one of the things she respected him for but this time she wished she was able understand him better.

She held his gaze. “We are a lot weaker now. Abraham, Maggie, Glen – they were a strong part of our group. Maggie and Glen were like family to you. You said so yourself.”

Something lit up in Rick’s eyes and Michonne wasn’t sure if it was anger or apprehension. “I know.” He straightened himself. “Still. We’re not leaving anyone behind. That’s not how we work.”

Michonne hesitated for a moment. She didn’t want to cross Rick. It was important to her that he knew she would be on his side. Still, she needed to understand what was going on. Up to now Rick’s decisions had always seemed reasonable to her, even if she didn’t agree with him. But this – separating from almost half of the group because of two people – it just didn’t make sense. “It might have been Carol’s decision to leave”, she said, carefully watching Rick. 

Rick turned to her with a start, his expression cold, his jaw set. “No. That’s not what happened.”

“Why are you so sure?” She took one step towards him. “I’ve been watching Carol since she rejoined our group. She’s changed Rick. She was there but she wasn’t really with us. She didn’t open up, hardly talked to anyone.” Michonne took a deep breath, let it out slowly. “I know how she felt. Because I’ve been there. And I don’t think she was planning on staying with us.”

Rick’s hand clutched the banister so hard his knuckles turned white. “What are you implying?”

Michonne held his gaze. “She might have decided to leave the group. And it is possible that Daryl went with her.”

Something in Rick’s face changed and for a moment Michonne actually saw cold fear. She knew Rick well by now but she hadn’t seen that expression often on his features. The moment Joe’s men threatened to kill his son, herself and Daryl had been one of them. And even then rage had replaced it immediately. Rick regained his control but there was no denying what she had seen. And it confused her. What was Rick afraid of?

“Daryl hasn’t left”, he said quietly, but Michonne suspected that he was only calm on the outside. She could see his fist was clenching, his neck muscles straining. She noticed that he only mentioned Daryl.

She wanted to know how he could be so sure, but Rick’s tautness told her not to press the subject. “So you think they got into trouble?”

Rick turned his gaze to the edge of the forest. Something about him reminded Michonne of a trapped animal that was looking for a way out. “Yeah. Or something came their way. I don’t know. I just know that Daryl would not leave without talking to me. He wouldn’t.”

Michonne asked herself if Rick was trying to convince her or himself. “You’re probably right”, she said. “Then again Carol and he were close. He might not want her to go off alone again. Maybe he followed her and didn’t have time to say good-bye.”

“Then he’ll bring her back.” Rick ground his teeth. “Or he’ll return alone. We’re his family now. He won’t leave again. Not even Merle could make him leave.” Rick turned away from her. He drew his gun and walked down the three steps of the stairs. “I’m going to check for walkers.”

It was quite clear that this was a conversation Rick didn’t want to have right now. He left the church behind, going in the direction of the forest, carefully watching the outskirts and Michonne knew that it wasn’t only walkers he was looking out for. And suddenly everything fell into place and she understood. Everything finally made sense. Why Rick had let Glen and Maggie go so readily, why staying here was more important even than taking a cure to Washington that could end this catastrophe. Now that she finally understood it made so much sense that she was amazed she hadn’t found out earlier. She leaned on the banister, watching Rick go. “So you’re in love with him”, she whispered. “Who’d have thought?”


	2. Reunion

Small twigs cracked under Rick’s boots while he was walking along the border of the forest, staring into the growing darkness between the trees, listening for anything approaching in the twilight.

He was on edge. Truth was he had been feeling this way for the last couple of days. More than usual that was, because of course there weren’t times of real rest and calm anymore. Not since he had woken in the hospital and certainly not since the prison fell. 

But this was a kind of disquiet he could feel down to his bones. Inside of the church he felt as if he couldn’t breathe but it wasn’t much better outside. Still he spent his time pacing the parameter like a wild animal, guarding its territory. 

He knew though, that he wasn’t only keeping watch this time. He was holding out for something, or more precisely someone. The thought of Daryl hadn’t left him for one minute since the hunter had disappeared. He just couldn’t explain what had happened to him, even though he had replayed multiple scenarios in his head. He only knew that it wasn’t supposed to be this way. Being separated from Daryl again felt utterly wrong, as if there was something missing inside of himself. 

If anything the talk with Michonne earlier had made it clearer to him that he couldn’t leave the church. He respected her and valued her opinion highly but he knew that if he had to make the decision of letting Maggie and Glenn go with Abraham’s group again he wouldn’t change anything.

He also didn’t know how long he was going to make his group wait, if Daryl didn’t come back. In his head he only thought of Daryl, because even though he would never forget what Carol had done for them and he valued her as a member of his group again, her return didn’t seem as vital, as essential as Daryl’s. Yes, he depended on Daryl, he needed him to be able to stay himself in this world that constantly forced him to fall back on brutality and violence. Daryl always seemed able to see the anxious and desperate human behind his mask. He didn’t have to hide from him and in a world that required him to evolve in ways that often still overwhelmed him, he needed that kind of reassurance.

Still, this rational need for Daryl didn’t explain why his heart was aching now that he wasn’t here. It didn’t explain why he felt this lost and confused without him, why it was difficult to make any kind of decision, why he was frozen. He wasn’t alone after all. He had Michonne to depend on, his children to protect. Why did it feel as if he could hardly go on?

He stopped short when he heard the rustle of leaves nearby and turned around, heart racing in his chest. But it was only a bird, a magpie maybe, looking for worms in the underbrush and his shoulders sank. He leaned against one of the trees, fist clenched. Of course he wasn’t being rational right now. He should go back to the church, make sure everyone was safe for the night. He should kiss Judith good-night, stay by Carl’s side until he went to sleep. But he knew that he would feel caged inside, that he would long to go out again and wait. Waiting was the only thing he seemed to be able to do well anymore. 

He turned around when he heard someone approaching from the church. It was Michonne of course and he tensed. He assumed that she had followed him because she thought their talk wasn’t over. And if she kept on trying to convince him he would have to question his decision to stay here at some point. He couldn’t let his feelings, whatever they were, endanger the small group he still had left. He had to put his children first like always. Their safety was most important. 

But Michonne didn’t seem to be in the mood for another discussion. There was something soft about her features when she looked at him, a warm glow to her eyes he had only ever seen on her when she talked to Carl or held Judith. It had never been directed at him before. There was even a small smile tugging at her full lips and he relaxed a fraction.

She stepped up to him. “Go back inside”, she said. “You should rest. You haven’t slept last night. We need you at your full strength. I’ll keep watch. When he comes back I’ll send him straight to you.”  
Rick realized that she had said ‘when’ not ‘if’. That had to mean he had convinced her. She had started to believe that Daryl would come back to them. Some painfully tight chain around his heart eased a little.  
“Thank you”, he whispered.

*

Michonne watched Rick on his way back to the church. Why hadn’t she noticed before how put down he seemed? She had so often seen him in pain and he had always somehow managed to regain his composure. This time was no different, but she should have known him well enough by now to see how deeply he was affected, how close he was to cracking. He needed Daryl to come back. It was clear as day now. He was suffering.

She let out a small sigh and turned back to the woods. Unfortunately wishing and hoping wasn’t enough anymore. Had never been enough as a matter of fact. She could only hope that Daryl had gotten a glimpse of what Rick really felt for him and that it was enough to bring him back. She knew his bond with Carol was strong and her coming back to them after he’d been sure he’d lost her had affected him deeply. On the other hand Michonne had also watched him and Rick together and she would have been blind not to see how much he valued the other man. One thing was certain however: If Daryl didn’t come back to them they were weakened sincerely.

She pushed some branches out of her way, moving deeper into the forest because she thought she’d heard something. Footsteps coming from the right. The forest at night wasn’t particularly dangerous for her. Walkers never tried to be quiet and she could hear them from hundreds of meters away. Still, whoever was approaching now was trying to be quiet. Someone left over from the Terminus group maybe? Other survivors? She stopped in her tracks and grabbed her Katana tighter.

And then he was suddenly right in front of her and she felt relief washing over her body like a warm wave. Daryl. 

He looked beaten, she noticed, distraught. She knew immediately that something was wrong and her smile faded. “Where’s Carol?”

Daryl motioned to someone behind him. “Come out.”

A boy stepped out of the trees behind him. He put one hand to the trunk of an oak as if he needed support. His breathing was heavy and he eyed her nervously. 

Daryl looked at Michonne. “I need to see Rick. Now.”

Michonne nodded. She understood there was no time for explanations now. “He’s in the church. I’ll take care of the boy. What’s his name?”

Daryl was already on his way out of the wood. “Noah.”

*  
Rick had put Judith to sleep and stepped out of the church again. He couldn’t stand this anymore. Waiting without knowing if what he was waiting for would ever happen. His thoughts were still reeling and he didn’t know if he was making sense anymore. Daryl seemed so far away already, so unreachable. This world took people faster than dust in the wind and it made him want to tear something apart, break something. The rage inside of him won over more and more often and Daryl was one of the very few people who could still calm him, make him think clearly. He didn’t want to do this without him.

And then he stood completely motionless because for one awful moment he wasn’t sure if he was imagining things. In the gloomy moonlight he saw the well known outline of a man with a crossbow, quickly approaching the church in his guarded stride.  
Then Daryl saw him and stopped short in his tracks for a moment. Rick closed his eyes and his whole body relaxed for the fraction of a second. His fists unclenched from the banister they’d been holding on to. Walking down the steps and towards Daryl, he was still not able to fully believe what he saw.  
He stopped right in front of him, swallowing hard. “You’re back.”

Daryl looked up at him, licking his lips once. “I’m sorry, Rick. Couldn’t tell you. There was no time.”  
He lowered his gaze. His arms were hanging lose, one hand holding the crossbow. Rick knew that Daryl was suspicious of bodily contact but right now it didn’t matter. Nods and claps on the shoulder weren’t enough for him this time. He took the last step towards Daryl and put his arms around him, pulling him close. Daryl tensed for a moment but then he relaxed again and even though he didn’t hug Rick back, he also didn’t move away. Rick pulled him closer, bringing one hand up to his head and running it through his straggly hair. It felt so good to be able to hold him this close to breathe in his well-known scent of sweat and leather. 

Then he felt Daryl go completely limp in his arms and for a moment he feared that Daryl was badly hurt, that he had been bitten and had dragged himself back here to die. That he shared Bob’s fate and that of so many others. His skin crawled from the mere thought of it.  
“Are you okay?” he whispered underneath his breath, not letting go of him. 

Daryl moaned quietly, tensed. “Lost Carol. We followed the car that took Beth and Carol was taken. She was hit and brought to the hospital where they keep Beth. Found a boy –“

“Daryl, stop.” Rick took him by the shoulders and pushed him away a little to be able to look at him. “Are you okay?”

Daryl’s distress was clearly visible in his eyes. Every muscle in his neck was strained, his shoulders set. “Yeah. Need to get them back.”

“We will”, Rick promised. “Just give yourself a moment, Daryl. You found Beth. That’s good. We’ll get them back.” He held Daryl’s gaze. “I promise. We’ll do whatever is necessary. But we can’t do anything tonight. So unwind for now, okay? Allow yourself some rest.”

The tortured look on Daryl’s face told him this was next to impossible, but Rick would do what he could to make him try. 

He looked up when Michonne passed them with a boy in tow. Obviously the one Daryl had been talking about. 

“I’ll take him inside the vestry”, she said. “No need to wake the others now.”

Rick nodded, then turned back to Daryl. He knew that Michonne could be trusted to get all the information they needed from the boy. He had to focus on Daryl right now. Had to focus on him, because Daryl was obviously under too much pressure. 

“Come Daryl, let’s sit for a moment.” He led him to a bench under one of the trees on the backside of the church. He wanted to be able to talk to him in peace. Taking a look around, he confirmed that no walkers were anywhere close. There weren’t many of them out here. Daryl obediently sat down next to him, crossbow on his knees. His shoulders were sunk, the look of defeat on his face too much for Rick to handle. And he knew he had to get him out of this state. He just had to.

Following an impulse he leant forward and for a very short moment pressed his lips to the skin of Daryl’s neck. Just long enough to get a taste of salt and skin. Even though the kiss had been ever so gentle, Daryl jerked back as if he had been hit by an electric shock. Frowning deeply, his eyes full of confusion he looked at Rick, his gaze darting away again immediately. “What d’ya do that for?” His voice was gruff, almost angry. He moved a little further away from Rick, drawing in on himself, and for a moment he reminded Rick of a dog that knew it had done something wrong and was about to be scolded.

Rick put out a hand but didn’t touch Daryl. The other man looked as if he might snap if he was touched right now. “I don’t know. It just felt right.”  
“Was a hell of a strange thing to jus’ do.” Daryl still didn’t look at him.  
“I know.” Rick was starting to panic inwardly. Apparently he’d crossed a very sensitive line with Daryl. And really, he should have known. He swallowed hard. “I’m sorry if I offended you. I didn’t mean to.”

Daryl’s frown deepened. “You didn’t offend me.”

“That’s good.” Rick’s hand was still in the air and he let it drop on the bench between them. “It’s just that I was afraid I’d lost you. And now that you came back –“ he broke off his eyes wandering to the patch of skin on Daryl’s neck he had just kissed. He thought he could still see goose bumps there. It looked terribly inviting. “I kind of wanted to –“

“But you’re not –“ Daryl’s fingers twitched.

“I am whatever that makes me.” 

Daryl was quiet for a moment. “Think ya got me all wrong.”

Rick forced his eyes away from Daryl’s neck. “No. I understand you don’t want this. You don’t feel this way. It’s just … I thought you were gone. And that made me overstep this boundary. It won’t happen again.”

“You sayin’ ya didn’t do this for me? Didn’t do it ‘cause you thought it’s what I wanted?” Daryl finally looked at him.

“No. What?” Rick frowned.

Daryl fidgeted, his fingers moving over his crossbow as if looking for reassurance. His head was tilted. “Don’t want ya to do this for me.”

So that was it. Rick slowly shook his head. He raised one hand and cupped Daryl’s cheek. “No. I’m doing this for me.” He leaned forward and thought that he could almost hear Daryl’s heartbeat. He could feel how agitated Daryl was, how keyed up. And only when his lips finally found Daryl’s and he heard the other man moan into the kiss, felt his hand grab Rick’s shoulder as if he was some kind of anchor in a deadly sea, did he finally understand how much Daryl wanted this, needed this. And how afraid he had been to ever let it show. How much he had held back.

His arms came up around Daryl’s back, pulling him closer once again. One of his hands came to rest on the nape of Daryl’s neck, drawing him into the kiss. He tasted salt, a hint of tobacco and something else that was uniquely Daryl and intoxicated him like nothing had done in a very long time. His whole body reacted to the kiss, his cheeks flushing, his heart beating like a trapped bird in his chest, his erection pressing against the fabric of his jeans almost painfully. He had to break the kiss, because there wasn’t enough air. Daryl pulled him back immediately, one hand grabbing his hair, his tongue forcing Rick’s lips apart, kissing him deep and hard. 

Feeling the desperate need of the other man, his desire seeping through his kiss into Rick’s body was unbelievably hot. There was something feral about him now, in the way his short nails pressed into Rick’s skin, his teeth scraped over his lower lip that made Rick want to kneel down in front of him. He had never felt wanted like this, claimed like this, and it felt so amazingly good, made his body shiver with want.

Daryl broke the kiss again but the next moment his lips were on Rick’s neck and he felt small electric shocks surge through his body when Daryl bit his sensitive skin. Not enough to draw blood, but enough to have Rick throw his head back and groan out his name. “Yes, feels so good, Daryl.”

“Wanted this”, Daryl whispered. “You’ll never know how much.” And then his hands were under Rick’s shirt and he could feel Daryl’s calloused fingers caressing his heated skin. His hips bucked up involuntarily and he moved closer to Daryl, reclaiming his mouth, needing to feel his tongue against this own. 

And when Daryl finally relented and cupped his aching erection through his jeans with one hand it was pure bliss. “Yeah”, he groaned, hips pressing into the touch. “Don’t stop. Don’t stop, Daryl.”

“Won’t.”

Rick didn’t understand what was going on with him, he had never lost control like this, not even in bed. Hell, especially not in bed. Sex with Lori had always been well laid out and he had known exactly what to do to pleasure her. This in comparison was a mess, total chaos that pulled him under, his body reacting to sensations in ways that astounded him. He was leaking, creaming his jeans under Daryl’s touch. And more than anything else he needed to feel Daryl close to him. He wasn’t sure how they got to the ground but suddenly he felt cold earth underneath him and small stones were pressing into his back. But that was more than okay, because Daryl was on top of him now and still kissing him and they were both moaning and clinging to each other, Daryl’s hips pressing down on his own again and again. He could feel Daryl’s hardness through both their Jeans and it made him close his eyes and throw his head back, groaning loudly. And then they were rutting against each other, desperately craving more.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you”, Daryl panted and Rick clutched his shoulders. He could feel Daryl moving his hand between them and held still for a moment. Daryl kissed his neck, made his skin prickle with desire while freeing Rick’s erection and then his own. And feeling hot skin on skin was almost too much for Rick and for a moment he thought he would just spend his load right then and there. 

He held back, his whole body convulsing with the effort, his hips bucking up against Daryl, his teeth biting Daryl’s neck, almost drawing blood. Then Daryl began to stroke him in the same rhythm his hips were still thrusting into Rick’s and it took Rick’s breath away. His fingers scratched over the skin of Daryl’s back, leaving his own marks next to the scars, his head thrashing from one side to the other, while Daryl was bringing him off so perfectly. Everything else moved out of focus and for a wonderful moment it was just him and Daryl and a sea of stars above them. Then the stars came closer and exploded all around him while his orgasm surged through his body, making every nerve end spark. He called out Daryl’s name and when he looked up he could see Daryl watching him in utter amazement and then finally Daryl’s features contorted and he threw his head back, moaning out his own climax.

They lay completely still for a while, Daryl still half on top of Rick, Rick listening for the other man’s slowing breath. His hands were still on Daryl’s back, one of them moving upwards now to play with Daryl’s hair. It was so good to breath in the odour of his salty sweat. He felt calm. Content.

Daryl finally moved up onto his elbows, looking around them. “Hell, that was daring”, he said, voice still rough. Rick noticed that he was flushed and his sweaty hair was sticking to his forehead. He really liked him that way. 

Rick smiled lightly. “You’re right. Worth it, though.” He looked up at Daryl, softly touching his face with one hand. “So you’ve wanted this?”

Daryl rolled off him, staying close though. He flushed even deeper. “Never thought you might too.”

Rick came up on his elbow too, facing Daryl. “I wish you’d told me before.”

“When?” Daryl asked, looking up. “At the prison after you were completely desolate because you’d lost yer wife? In Terminus waitin’ fer our deaths? When things went to hell at the farm? There was never the right time. Wouldn’t’ve known what to say anyways.”

“It’s been that long?” Rick was utterly amazed. 

“Didn’t really know what was goin’ on first.” Daryl bit his lip. “Didn’t make sense. Needed time to figure out why I wanted to be close to you. Didn’t really want to feel that way.”

Rick was silent for a moment, letting that sink in. “So you’re not going to leave again?” he finally asked.

“Hell, no. Not if I can help it.” Daryl sounded so convinced, that Rick smiled with relief. “That’s good.” He leaned in for another kiss and Daryl welcomed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos make my days brighter. Criticism is also always welcome! Thanky you for reading!


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